Family Ties
by ITNW1989
Summary: A random assortment of Shiara ficlets involving our intrepid duo, and the various moments they experience with their two daughters, Benezia and Minerva. No set chapter order, mostly jumping around from one point to another. Post-ME3 with my own optimistic twist of the Destroy Ending, but may also contain ficlets throughout the trilogy and maybe before.
1. Jellybeans and Firsts

**2295 CE: Nine Years Since the Reaper War**

"Yes, Jellybean, I heard you the first time."

…

"No, that won't change a thing. Neither will begging, mind you."

…

"What do you mean it wasn't your fault? You're the one who decided it would be a good idea to spill your food all over your tray."

…

"_It seemed like a good idea at the time_? Now you're just trying to mess with me."

…

"You little… you're lucky you're talking to me, young lady. Your momma would have trapped you in a stasis bubble by now for talking back like that."

The _young lady _in question blubbered happily, splashing her little blue fists on the tray in front of her, splattering the baby food everywhere. The human woman talking to her sighed, shaking her head in exasperation.

"Really, Jellybean," Admiral Morrigan Shepard said, narrowing her eyes at the baby asari, "you're the daughter of a Shepard, and you're already seven years old. You really should know better."

"Ba!" little Jellybean squeaked excitedly at her father. "Bagagagaba!"

"No, pulling your little innocent act won't work on me, young lady," Shepard said sternly, hands on her hips as she mock-glared at her daughter. "Your mom might fall for that all the time, but we Shepards are made of sterner stuff. Besides, who do you think perfected the art of manipulating people?" she asked her daughter shrewdly.

"Ga?" the baby asked, tilting her head quizzically at her father.

"What do you mean 'Grandma Shepard'? Why you little cretin, you, get over here," Shepard growled, her face contorted into ridiculous monster faces as she walked over to her daughter. She picked up the baby, making growling noises and tickling little Benezia who screamed in delight the entire time. She flailed her arms around, bits of her baby food flying everywhere which Shepard just ignored as she relentlessly tickled her child. This went on for a few minutes until Shepard could feel her daughter starting to tire, her arms starting to slow down.

She returned Benezia, who was still giggling, to her high chair before resuming her stern pose in front of her daughter. "Now, are you going to still say Grandma Shepard, or are you gonna be honest and say that your Daddy's the master at making people do what she wants them to do?" she asked sternly. _Daddy_, Shepard thought musingly as she thought about how her daughter might have answered her. Though Aethyta, Liara's "father," had explained to her (in her own amazingly crude way) how one would be considered an asari's father, it had still taken her a while to get used to being called the father of her own child. As time passed, though, she couldn't imagine being called anything else. By the time little Benezia had turned two, Shepard was already correcting other humans who occasionally made the mistake of calling her the mother. It had caused no end of confusion to the humans, one that had sent Shepard venting out her annoyance at the closest inanimate object.

"So, what's it gonna be, Jellybean?" Shepard asked, narrowing her eyes at Benezia when she still hadn't answered even after her internal monologue.

Benezia giggled and pointed a finger at Shepard, who gave a satisfied nod. "Good. Now let's get you cleaned and we can-"

Shepard didn't get to finish her statement, because she was suddenly interrupted by something. And this was a something that would remain with her for the rest of her life. Not that she didn't have any shortage on such moments. The difference was that she knew exactly how to deal with those other moments. She'd remained calm, collected and determined on the outside even though she was, most likely, freaking out and crapping out her breakfast on the inside when they had happened. Out of everyone who knew her, only her closest friends (namely Liara, Tali and Garrus) had any idea just how terrified she actually was when faced with those situations.

This was not one of those situations. The moment it happened, Shepard froze, unsure how to react. She stood as still as a statue, gaping at her daughter with wide eyes. Her mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water, her throat refusing to work properly. After a few moments of trying to speak, she managed to croak something out. "C-come again?"

Benezia giggled, as if knowing what she had done to make her father's brain short circuit. She pointed again at Shepard with a tiny finger.

"Dada!"

* * *

><p>When Liara came down a few minutes later, having finished with her business as the Shadow Broker, she walked into the sight of Shepard sitting on the floor of the kitchen, her legs splayed out as she tightly hugged Benezia close to her, all but strangling their daughter in her embrace. It was a sight to behold for Liara, watching the savior of the galaxy bawling her eyes out while splayed out in a heap. She had only seen this side of her bondmate once before, back when Benezia had been born. Shepard was just as much as mess as she was at that moment, and it was a sight that would always both amuse and warm Liara's heart.<p> 


	2. Nightmares and Headbutts

**2220 CE, Thirty-four years after the Reaper War:**

"Are we there yet, Daddy?"

"Yeah, are we there yet, Dad?"

"Are we there yet?"

"Are we there yet?!"

"Yes! We're… finally, THANKFULLY, here. Now go out and enjoy the beach before I use a shockwave to toss the two of you into the water."

"Yaaaaaaay!" A pair of small blue-skinned asari burst out of a skycar, already halfway across the sand of the beach and jumping into the water in a matter of seconds. The two of them were giggling nonstop, splashing and playing with each other with the kind of exuberance and happiness that only children could seem to channel.

"Gods above, I am so glad we're finally here." A tall, raven-haired human stepped out of the passenger's side of the skycar. "Longest three-hour drive. Ever." Her stormy gray eyes kept a sharp watch on the two young asari playing in the water, the exasperated expression on her face softened by the fond look in her eyes. "Remind me to thank Cerberus for my augmentations and implants, or I swear I might have died from a migraine on the ride here."

"Come now, Morrigan, it wasn't that bad," a chiding voice came from the driver's side of the skycar. The owner of the voice stepped out, revealing a powder-blue asari, the same skin color as the two smaller asari in the beach. She was staring at the human with a small smirk on her face as she crossed her arms in front of her.

The human, Morrigan, rolled her eyes in response. "It has to be that legendary asari patience for you to say that 'it wasn't that bad.' The girls wouldn't stop asking 'Are we there yet?!'-" Morrigan's voice took on a higher pitch when imitating the younger asari "-for the past hour!" She shuddered dramatically as she walked over to the asari, as if the mere thought of the ride to the beach was a living nightmare for her.

The asari took the human's hands in her own, a small smile playing on her lips. "Are you telling me that the great SpecTRe Admiral Morrigan Shepard, Savior of the Citadel, Savior of the Galaxy and Destroyer of Reapers, is terrified by the thought of her being stuck with her two children in a skycar for three hours?"

Shepard nodded her head fervently, giving another overdramatic shudder. "Give me a platoon of heavily-armed Phantoms and Nemeses over this any day, Liara, please." She gave the asari, Liara, a serious look. "And it's not the thought that terrifies me. It's the _memory_ of it. I just lived that nightmare, remember?"

"Well, we're here now, so you can put all that behind you now," Liara teased, running her fingers over the bonding bracelet covering Shepard's left forearm, tracing the red, blue and silver thread crisscrossing all over the bracelet.

"This is all entirely your fault, you know," Shepard said, running her own fingers over the gray, red and yellow threads that crossed Liara's own bracelet before letting her forefinger rest on the simple gold ring that decorated her bondmate's left hand. "The only reason it took us three hours to get here was because you insisted on driving." She shot Liara an exasperated look. "You drive really slowly, you know that, right?"

"I was not about to endanger the lives of our two daughters by letting you drive the car, Morrigan," Liara shot back, the teasing smile on her face disappearing to be replaced by a serious expression that was only half-joking.

Shepard sputtered, her mouth closing and opening like a fish stranded on land. "You would let Benezia and Minerva take the Urdnot Rite of Passage when they're older, but you won't even let them ride a car that I'm driving?" she sputtered indignantly.

Liara crossed her arms. "Three things, Morrigan: one, they will be old enough by then, and if Benezia's biotics are anything to go by, she and Minerva will have no problem taking them on, especially with Grunt alongside them. Two, klixen and varren are minor pests at best. And three, I would much rather they avoid a thresher maw for five minutes than have them spend one in a car you are driving," she finished, fixing her bondmate with a glare. "Judging from my own experience with thresher maws while you were driving the Mako, I would have bet my credits on the squad dying from your driving than from thresher maw acid."

"For the last time, T'Soni, my driving was never that bad!" Shepard was still baffled at how adversely her friends and her own bondmate reacted whenever she offered to drive any kind of vehicle, ranging from a hasty "No!" by Tali, all the way to running away from her, as was the case with Joker (or at least hobbling quickly away, willingly and even enthusiastically assisted by EDI, the traitorous AI, Shepard thought). She seemed to recall Tali and Liara looking rather green – figuratively, of course - a few times after a couple of planetside missions involving the Mako, but she'd always assumed that that was more due to the intense fighting they normally went through or something, since neither of her friends were exactly accustomed to heavy firefights back when they were still chasing Saren, what with Liara being the mousy archaeologist and Tali the naïve young girl on her coming-of-age pilgrimage.

Liara, on the other hand, knew better. Much better. She fixed her bondmate with a _look_. "Morrigan, _Wrex_ was terrified to get on the Mako with you all those years back when we were going after Saren. And I do not know about you, but when a two-ton bloodthirsty krogan whose solution to life is to either eat or headbutt everything in his way – stop giggling, you fool – when a krogan like _Wrex, _of all people, is terrified of going into a vehicle that you are driving, I think it says a lot about your driving skills… or lack thereof."

Shepard stopped laughing and narrowed her eyes, picturing the self-styled krogan Overlord laughing at her behind her back over her allegedly terrible driving. "Remind me to give that scaly bag of hot air a headbutt the next time we drop by Tuchanka," she said, already relishing the thought of butting heads against Wrex. "He's long overdue for one already, anyway." She shot Liara a mischievous grin. "And don't let Wrex hear you call him a two-ton lizard. He's self-conscious enough about his weight as it is."

Liara shook her head in wonder and exasperation, ignoring her bondmate's last statement. "Sometimes I wonder if you are the one with one-fourth krogan blood in you, what with the way you always seem to enjoy butting heads – literally _and_ figuratively – with Wrex and Grunt."

Shepard's eyes twinkled with mischief at Liara's words. "Does this mean you accept your dad's words and admit that you _are _a quarter krogan?" Liara's continued insistence that asari genetics did not work that way and her exasperation towards how her father – Matriarch Aethyta – loved to bring up those kinds of things (and other, more sexually explicit things) was what made Shepard imitate the matriarch to try and drive Liara up the walls by constantly bringing up her bondmate's family tree and genetic heritage.

Liara's face fell, her mouth working quickly as she tried to backtrack. "That- no, I- what I meant was-." She floundered, unable to find the right words to take back her slip-up. She had no doubt that Shepard was going to tell Aethyta about this as soon as they had returned to Thessia… and then the two of them would start to make a combined effort to drive her insane. No doubt the children were also going to jump in; they had an almost perverse enjoyment in helping their father drive Liara mad. It was exactly that which made Liara start thinking if asari children really didn't inherit their father's blood. Benezia and Minerva were too much like their father to not consider it.

"Yes?" Shepard asked, giving her bondmate a sweet smile while her eyes sparkled with amusement and mischief at Liara's predicament.

Liara paused for a few moments before giving her bondmate an icy glare that promised great and terrible retribution later before turning around and storming off to join their children in the beach without another word. "Liara, wait!" Shepard called out only to be ignored. She grumbled, turning back to the skycar. "Sure, she can make fun of my driving all the time, but when I tease her a little, she leaves me here alone to get all of the stuff," the human complained under her breath, gathering the umbrella, blankets, towels, picnic basket and everything else, creating a small mass effect field to biotically carry the heavier stuff with her as she slowly followed her family to the beach. She sighed sadly as she brought the stuff with her.

"… I am so not getting any tonight."


	3. Regrets and Guilt

**AN: Welp, here's a random update! This one took me a while to write, mostly because I've been plagued by problems with real life in general. Also, this goes away from the lighthearted tone of the past two chapters, and instead goes into Hurt/Comfort territory. Expect some fluff, and some angst as well. Anyway, enjoy!**

* * *

><p><strong>2220 CE, Thirty-four years after the Reaper War<strong>

Shepard lounged underneath the umbrella, a relaxed smile on her face as she enjoyed the sight of her bondmate playing with their daughters in the sand just a few feet away from her. The three of them were building a sand castle… or at least trying to, as Minerva, their youngest, kept knocking down a part of the sand castle now and then. Benezia, their eldest, tried to get her father to join them, although Shepard refused, explaining to her daughter that she'd only end up somehow blowing up the entire thing. Benezia's eyes had widened before excitedly asking if Shepard really could do that after they were done. The look on Liara's face when she heard was priceless, and Shepard had agreed, if only to enjoy the aggravated expression that had appeared on her bondmate's face.

A glint of color against the beautiful white sand suddenly caught Shepard's eye, breaking her out of her musings as she turned her head to look at the source of the flash of color. Her eyes fell on a small seashell, its reddish-brown surface dotted with white. She got up slowly, moving towards the small shell at a snail's pace. She knelt down in front of the seashell, carefully picking it up and cupping it in between her hands. As her thumbs traced its shape, a memory, long buried but never forgotten, reached the surface of her mind.

* * *

><p><strong>2186 CE<strong>

"_Might go somewhere sunny. Sit on beach, look at ocean. Collect seashells." Mordin nods, as if he has just had the best idea in the entire galaxy._

"_You'd go crazy inside an hour, Mordin," she says, a teasing smirk on her face._

"… _Might run tests on the seashells," Mordin amends after a nanosecond's worth of reconsideration._

* * *

><p><strong>2220 CE<strong>

"You crazy bastard," Shepard murmured, suddenly blinking away tears from her eyes as they threatened to start pouring down her face. "You would have loved this beach, you know. Probably would have enjoyed playing with the kids here." She looked behind her, a small smile crossing her face as she saw that Minerva had started pretending like she was some kind of Godzilla monster, stomping around the castle even as Benezia and Liara tried to prevent her from completely destroying the sand sculpture. She looked back down at the seashell, closing her eyes as more of her memories resurfaced, though ones of the more decidedly less pleasant sort.

* * *

><p><strong>2186 CE<strong>

_She stares at the dalatrass, almost unable to believe what she has just heard. This wrinkly old newt is trying to convince her to sabotage the cure in exchange for salarian support for the war! By all accounts, she should have already disconnected the comm and left for Tuchanka's surface without a backward glance. And yet… the dalatrass' question gnaws at her. "Do you honestly believe the genophage will end in lasting peace, Commander?"_

_She wants to immediately answer that yes, curing the genophage after almost fifteen hundred years of it slowly driving the krogan into complete extinction will result in peace. Before she can say this, though, a thought enters her mind. What happens on the off chance that both Eve and Wrex end up dead? At the moment, the two of them are the only things keeping the entire krogan race united, and even then, it's a very tenuous unity. She is reminded of Chiefs Gatatog Uvenk and Weyrloc Guld, both highly traditionalist krogan who were both extremely against the radical changes that Wrex has been making. She ended up killing both of them on Tuchanka almost a year ago, but the mere thought of them is enough to give her pause._

_It is doubtful that they are the only two clans against the changes being made by Wrex. If something happens to Wrex and Eve, the risk of another Krogan Rebellion happening would be too high. She trusts Eve and Wrex to be able to hold the krogan together for the centuries that they would be ruling together. But what about if they get killed, or even when their time has come and they pass away, however far away that might seem?_

_She hesitates before answering. "Wrex and Eve might be able to forge something… but without them… no, the krogan are too violent," she says through gritted teeth, hating herself for what she is saying. She clenches her fists before continuing. "But I don't have a choice here."_

_A sly and smug smirk crosses the dalatrass' face as she looks at her with triumph. "Then allow me to offer you one…"_

"_There's that look in your face again, Commander," Eve says, snapping her out of her thoughts. "What's troubling you?"_

_She manages to stop herself from biting her lower lip, forcing herself to keep an impassive expression. "Just… thinking about Earth," she answers untruthfully, looking past Eve's shoulder._

"_Your courage for my people will be remembered. You won't be alone in your fight," Eve says with heavy conviction, the krogan shaman's eyes boring into hers with an honest sincerity that sends a massive stab of guilt through her._

* * *

><p><strong>2220 CE<strong>

"Shit. _Shit_," Shepard muttered, angrily wiping the errant tears from her eyes. She had immediately confessed to Wrex and Bakara about what she had almost done to the krogan race, unable to keep such a thing from Wrex, who had been her ally since the beginning, and from Bakara, who held an unshakable faith and belief in her since after they had first met in Sur'Kesh. Bakara's reaction was almost unbearably sympathetic, letting her know that she knew where Shepard was coming from. Her understanding reaction to Shepard's near betrayal was just as hard to shoulder as the guilt. Even Wrex was forgiving, and her surprise over that was almost enough to overpower the guilt. Almost.

* * *

><p><strong>2186 CE<strong>

_She watches as the Shroud collapses, the entire facility falling to the ground with a swirling tower of flames and smoke accompanying it, the massive cloud containing the cure dispersing all over the planet, curing every krogan in Tuchanka of the genophage. She holds out a hand, watching a few bits and pieces of the cure slowly drift down like snow into her palm. She looks around her, seeing multiple krogan looking up in wonder and spreading their arms, letting the cure wash over them._

_Happiness. That's the emotion she should be feeling right now, alongside the increasingly joyous roars of the krogan everywhere. Happiness, even though there are some elderly krogan falling to their knees all over Tuchanka, almost unable to believe that the curse that has plagued their people for fifteen hundred years has been now been removed. Happiness, even through all the tears the females are shedding, grateful for the fact that there would no longer be billions of neverborn krogan._

_But no. All she feels is guilt. Guilt and shame. Guilt that she has almost sabotaged this cure, and shame that she could very well be seeing this same exact scene even if she had indeed gone on with the sabotage, with the krogan none the wiser of the duplicitous act that has almost been done to them. But most of all, shame that she has almost turned her back on Wrex, who has been one of her staunchest allies for years. On Eve, who has held an unshakable faith and trust in her from the moment they had met. On Grunt, who calls her krantt, calls her battlemaster._

"_I… have something I need to tell the two of you," she says to Eve and Wrex._

_Almost immediately, Eve picks up on her mood, already sensing that something is wrong._

"_Walk with us, Commander," the female shaman says, turning around to lead her and Wrex for a little stroll, while Wrex shoots her confused glances now and then._

**~*S*~**

"_Understandable, but not acceptable. Will not sacrifice krogan for political gain." Mordin turns his back on her, resolutely making his way towards the Shroud elevator._

_She follows him, her posture showing a mixture of surprise and anger. "Every time we've talked about this before, you defended the genophage! Hell, I had to talk you into saving Maelon's data! How can you change your mind now?" she demands. She expects to be ready for anything Mordin says, yet his response still manages to shock her._

"_I MADE A MISTAKE!" Mordin roars, furiously rounding towards her. The mere fact that he yells so loudly is enough to surprise her; the doctor is never above raising his voice when needed, but never to this level. That, combined with his admission, is enough to shock her into complete silence._

_Mordin's expression is angry, ashamed, guilty. Then, just as quickly, his anger dissolves, his shoulders slumping down as he realizes what he has just said to her. "… I made a mistake… was too focused on the big picture. Lost sight of little pictures. Disregarded minority in favor of statistics. Ignored… mothers who sacrificed selves for chance at cure." Mordin's fists clench. "I made a mistake. Never should have treated krogan as nothing more than scientific statistic. Krogan females in Maelon's lab… never want to hear or see anything like that ever again." He looks up and looks at her, his eyes full of pain and guilt. "Shepard, please. Need to do this. My project. My work. My cure. My… responsibility."_

**~*S*~**

"… _And that was when Mordin made me truly realize what I was actually considering to do," she says, taking a deep breath and holding it as she shamefully looks at Wrex and Eve. The female shaman, as always, has an inscrutable expression on her face. Wrex, though… his expression is full of rage, though if it is aimed at the dalatrass, at her, or both, she has no idea. His fists repeatedly clench and unclench, and she is almost completely sure that he is extremely close to sending her flying with a biotically-enhanced punch to the gut. Not that she'd try to defend herself against it. After what had just happened, she feels that she would deserve anything that Wrex would send her way._

_The Urdnot clan leader raises a hand, and she barely manages to suppress a flinch. Instead of the biotic punch she is expecting, Wrex surprises her by gripping her upper arm in a steely grip, firm but not suffocating. He has managed to school his expression, making it impossible for her to read it._

"_What did I tell you?" he asks Eve, turning his head slightly to look at the shaman. "She can be a fool, but never traitorous." He turns his head back towards her. "I was right when I called you a friend and hero to the krogan, Shepard."_

"_Not me," she mutters, unable to stand Wrex's praises in light of her near-betrayal. "It was all Mordin."_

"_Where is the doctor, anyway?" Eve asks, looking around as if just noticing the fast-talking salarian's absence._

_Her fists clench, tight enough that she can feel her fingers against her palms even through her gloves. "He didn't make it. He insisted on staying and making sure the cure was properly deployed." She looks away, her jaw tight. "If I'd only warned him and you guys about the sabotage earlier… maybe he could have prepared more for it… maybe he could have -"_

_Eve cuts an arm through the air, catching her attention. "He did what had to be done, Commander. He has righted the wrong that has been slowly killing our kind for the past fifteen hundred years. Never again will there be krogan mothers crying for their unborn children. For that, Mordin shall always be a hero to us."_

"_Hell, we'll even name one of our kids after him," Wrex says, grinning. "Maybe one of our daughters. Now come on. I'll need to talk to you for a bit before you get on your way."_

**~*S*~**

"_Can't really blame you, Shepard," Wrex says a few hours later. He is sitting with her at the Urdnot base, both of them nursing a glass of ryncol each._

"_Huh?" she asks, her eyes bleary as she looks up at him. She almost has a hard time focusing on him; she's already on her third cup of ryncol, even though humans aren't even supposed to be able to stand after just one shot of the stuff. She makes a mental note to thank Cerberus for her implants later._

"_About hiding what you and the dalatrass talked about," he says in a low rumble, downing the rest of his ryncol before pouring himself another shot. "My race hasn't really encouraged everyone else to think too well of us, huh?"_

"_Been talking to Eve… to Bakara a lot aboard the Normandy?" she says teasingly, her voice slowly starting to slur as the ryncol starts taking effect on her. "That sounds like something she'd say."_

"_Well, when the females are going to be the ones running the show, us men are going to have to learn to see things from their point, way I see it," Wrex half-grumbles._

_She grins, remembering an earlier conversation with Wrex. "So I take it you're okay with the never-ending talking to figure out things?"_

_Wrex grimaces in answer. "Don't remind me, Shepard." The two of them grin at each other, raising their cups in silent salute before downing the rest of their drinks. "So tell me, Shepard," Wrex says, his face growing serious, "tell me what the pyjak's last words were."_

_Her face grows serious as well, the guilt coming back to haunt her. Wrex sees her expression, and he grunts. "I just want to hear it so I know what to write on the damn monument Bakara wants to put in the Hollows."_

_She nods, understanding what Wrex is asking for. "So he just finished yelling at me…"_

**~*S*~**

_She deflates, unable to argue with Mordin's heartfelt plea. Instead, she feels sick and completely disgusted at herself as she wonders why she even considered listening to that damn dalatrass in the first place. How is it that she even considered stabbing Wrex, one of her closest friends and allies, in the back like that? To give the krogan hope, then just yank it out from underneath them without as much as a warning? How is it that the scientist who himself made the genophage more effective is the one to argue for curing it, and she – who herself is already considered an honorary Urdnot despite being a human – is the one to even consider sabotaging the cure?_

_She almost falls to her knees at her realization, gripping the edge of a console to steady herself as she looks at Mordin, guilt and shame racing through her body. She looks at the console screen, staring at her reflection. Recently, the glowing red scars from her Cerberus augmentations have returned, revealing the stress she has been put under since the Reapers invaded. They show through parts of her face, some of the scars showing the cybernetics in her jaw, in her cheek, her forehead. The voice of Doctor Chakwas floats around her head, reminding her of the causes of these scars. "Be compassionate. I'm just saying, a little more optimism and a little less realism will help, Commander," Doctor Chakwas has told her once before._

_Has this war finally brought out the ruthless part inside her? Even during her fight against the Collectors, she had never forgotten her personal principles, the ones she promised her mother on that fateful day in Mindoir sixteen years ago. She had stopped Garrus from murdering Sidonis, Mordin from Maelon, Zaeed from those innocent factory workers, Miranda from Niket, Jack from Aresh, and Jacob from his father._

_Are the Reapers truly getting to her that way, that even after all those deeds she has done in the past, she is willing to turn her back on her promise to her mother and stab the krogan in the back? She bites her lips, looking back up at Mordin, a pained and shameful look in her eyes._

"_You're right," she whispers. Mordin says nothing, only nodding and going for the elevator behind him._

"_Glad you understand, Shepard," Mordin says, offering her another nod. He gives her a small and sad smile as a thought occurs to him. "Would have liked to run tests on those seashells," he muses, rubbing a hand on his chin._

"_Mordin… I'm so sorry," she says, her voice breaking as Mordin closes the elevator doors, the glass sliding shut and separating her from the salarian._

_Mordin's smile grows wider, a gentle look in his eyes as he looks at her in the eye. "I'm not. Had to be me. Someone else-"_

* * *

><p><strong>2220 CE<strong>

"-might have gotten it wrong," Shepard whispered to herself, gripping the seashell as tightly as she could. That was the last time she had ever seen Mordin, as the Shroud facility was already close to completely breaking down even before they had gotten to it due to the attack by the Reaper destroyer. Before she could even call for Cortez to try and pull Mordin out, the topmost level of the Shroud, the level where Mordin was headed, burst into flames as it exploded, undoubtedly killing the salarian doctor.

"Damn it all," Shepard said, her hand tightening so hard against the seashell that she felt a sudden prick of pain. Opening her palm, she noticed that the shell's edge had sliced into her palm, creating a long cut where blood was already leaking out of. But the twinge of pain was mostly ignored as that old feeling of guilt, that disgusting side of her that had considered backstabbing the krogan, came back up and hit her full on.

"Damn it," she said again, dropping the shell to the sand and pulling her knees up to her chin, burying her head between them as unbidden sobs suddenly racked through her body, tears pouring from her eyes. Try as she might, she couldn't stop the tears, nor the sobbing, from coming out of her, all of her pent-up guilt and frustration over her decisions over the war finally caught up with her.

"Daddy?"

A small, cool hand laid itself on Shepard's arm, causing her head to shoot up. She laid eyes with a mirror image of her own, watching her own steely-gray eyes framed by a younger version of Liara's face staring back at her. "Daddy?" her eldest, Benezia, asked again. "Why are you crying, Daddy?" Though already thirty-two years old, Benezia was really only nine or ten years old as far as human children developed. Back when Benezia was about to be born, Liara had been worried that Shepard might balk at the thought that her own daughter would basically be stuck as a child for four decades, but Shepard was actually excited at the fact. "Just means she gets to be my little girl for a bit longer before she even starts thinking about other boys or girls," she'd told Liara excitedly.

The concerned expression on her daughter broke Shepard's heart even more. As young as Benezia was, she was surprisingly perceptive, something Shepard was sure had come from Liara. "Jellybean. C'mere," was all she said in reply, quickly gathering her daughter in her arms, who immediately hugged her back as tightly as she could, both of them burying into each other's necks. Shepard sniffled, still unable to stop her tears, though she had managed to reduce her sobbing to ragged, shaky breaths.

"Are you okay now, Daddy?" Benezia asked, her voice muffled. "Please stop crying. You never cry." Though she couldn't see her face, Shepard could already feel that her daughter was also about to cry, judging by the way her tiny shoulders were already starting to shake.

"I'm fine, sweetheart, I'm fine," Shepard tried to assure her daughter, trying to soothe her by running a hand up and down her back.

"But you're crying," Benezia protested, pulling back slightly to look her dad in the eyes. Her own eyes were brimming with tears, and her bottom lip was quivering.

Shepard gave a watery smile, leaning her forehead against her daughter's. "Just having you here is making me feel better already, Jellybean."

"What about Mom and Minnie?" Benezia asked, a small smile finally coming back to her lips.

"Of course them too," Shepard chuckled. "The three of you are the best things that ever happened to me, have I ever told you that?"

Benezia giggled. "A lot of times, Daddy. Even when Minnie and I are being–?"

"Even then, Jellybean," she interrupted, hugging her daughter close to her again.

"Morrigan?" Shepard looked up to see Liara walking up to her, Minerva in her arms. Both were wearing concerned expressions.

"Liara," Shepard said, smiling sadly up at her bondmate. "I'm fine, just thinking about… an old friend."

"Who, Daddy?" Minerva asked from her perch in Liara's arms. She reached out, seeing her father's tears and red-rimmed eyes. Liara smiled, and handed their youngest over to Shepard, who shifted so she could hold both Benezia and Minerva at the same time.

"I was thinking about your Uncle Mordin," Shepard said in reply. Despite the varying races and ages of her crew in the Normandy, all of them were "aunts" and "uncles" to the Shepard-T'Soni family, even the ones who didn't make it after the war.

"Isn't Uncle Mordin's statue in Tuchanka?" Benezia asked. Shepard and Liara had taken their children a couple of times to Tuchanka, where Wrex had made Shepard promise to take the kids back when they were older in order to take the Rite of Passage for Clan Urdnot.

"That's right, Jellybean," Shepard said. "He has that statue because he saved your Uncle Wrex, Uncle Grunt, Aunt Bakara and all the krogan everywhere."

Both of her kids' eyes grew wide. Liara smiled in their childlike wonder, sitting down beside Shepard and wrapping an arm around her. "So why are you crying, Daddy?" Minerva asked with a sad look on her face.

"Because in order to make sure that he could save all of the krogan, he gave himself up in return," Shepard explained with a sad smile. "That's why I was crying, Minnie. I miss him very much."

"Tell us about him, Daddy!" Benezia said, an excited smile on her face. "Mom says when you're sad because you miss someone, talking about them makes you not sad anymore!"

"Well, who am I to argue with your mom?" Shepard said with a chuckle, resting her head against Liara's crest. "She_ is _the smartest person in the galaxy, after all."

"That's right! Mommy's the smartest!" Minerva echoed.

"So, about your Uncle Mordin. He was one of the bravest, strongest, and kindest men I have ever known. See, during your Uncle Grunt's Rite of Passage…"

As Shepard regaled her children with stories about her favorite salarian scientist, she swore she could hear a faint voice over by the beach singing a certain song she had once heard onboard the Normandy.

_My xenoscience studies range from urban to agrarian-  
><em>_I am the very model of a scientist salarian!_


	4. Blood and Freaks

**I... am a horrible updater.**

* * *

><p><strong>2331 CE: Forty Five Years after the Reaper War<strong>

"Are you sure about this, Benezia?"

"Relax, Minnie. This won't hurt a bit."

"You didn't answer my question."

"By the gods, fine, fine. Yes, Minerva T'Soni-Shepard, I am quite sure about this."

"It's just… I've never done anything like this before."

"Obviously not, if you're this nervous."

"I just don't think this is kind of a good idea. What if Mom and Dad find out? Oh Goddess, if Mom finds out about this, she is going to murder us."

"Look, you're the one who wanted to do this. Don't back out now just because you're afraid of Mom and Dad finding out. Why do you even want to do it if you're so scared?"

"Well… it's because pretty much everyone else in school has done it! Tara'Verah did it, and she's a freaking quarian!"

"You do realize that Tara's the galaxy's worst role model you could ask for? I doubt there's anything she hasn't done, that freak."

"That's not the point, okay? Anyway… okay, okay. Let's do this."

"All right. Deep breaths, okay? This won't hurt much."

"Wait, what? You just said earlier it won't hurt a bit! Now it won't hurt _much_?!"

"Stop freaking out, Minnie. I didn't mean anything by that. Gods, maybe we should just hold this off until you're more ready for this."

"No, no, no. I'm ready, all right? Just give me a moment."

"Minnie, if I give you any more moments, I'll already be the oldest counselor of the Matriarchy Circle."

"Oh, shut up and just put the damn thing in, okay?"

"Maybe it'll be easier if you close your eyes. You know, so you don't have to watch it going in."

"You're kidding me. That'll just make me more paranoid."

"Fine, keep an eye on it, then. Not my problem if you feel squeamish over the blood."

"Wait, blood?! You didn't tell me there was going to be blood!"

"Well, what exactly did you expect was going to happen?!"

"I-I don't know, okay?! Just put it in already before I change my mind!"

"Okay, okay, sheesh. Deep breaths, okay? It'll be in before you know it."

"Ugh, you almost sound like Dad when you say that. Goddess, do you know how weird it is to imagine Dad be the one doing this to me?"

"Will you shut up! Besides, it's not like Dad would ever do this to anyone besides Mom. Definitely sounds like something the two of them would do with each other."

"Can we just stop talking about our parents and just get on with this? Seeing you with that thing in your hands while talking about Mom and Dad doing it is seriously creeping the hell out of me."

"And who brought them up in the first place?"

"Can we please, _please_, just get on with this?"

"Okay. Like I said, deep breaths. When I start pushing it in, I want you to inhale deeply. You won't feel as much pain if you do that."

"All right, all right. In 3, 2, 1…"

*(S)*

Right at the moment _it _happened, Shepard was struggling against the door, trying to get herself and the ten bags of groceries—all of them full of food, both asari and human—with her through in one go. Just as she was about to successfully squeeze herself past the door, a scream from upstairs made her drop everything and charge up the stairs, her biotics already flaring up.

Once she reached the top of the stairs, she heard muffled curses coming from Minerva's room. As she neared the semi-open door, she could hear someone frantically and repeatedly muttering "Oh Goddess" over and over again. "Minerva!" Shepard yelled, bursting through the door, a Stasis already prepped to deploy. The sight in front of her stopped her dead, and would be enough to keep her up for nights to come, though not for the reasons one might think.

Her two daughters were facing each other, with Benezia sitting in between Minerva's legs, her hands somewhere around the lower part of her youngest's body; with Minerva's bare back facing towards Shepard, the supremely confused SpecTRe didn't have a clear view of where Benezia's hands really were.

As soon as their father had burst through the door, Minerva and Benezia immediately sprang apart, both of their expressions guilty and mortified. "D-dad!" Benezia yelped, vainly trying to hide what she was holding from her father. "Wha-what are you doing home so early?" she asked, failing to hide the quiver in her tone. Minerva didn't budge; in fact, it seemed to Shepard that her youngest had turned to an asari statue, given how still she was. Not that she wanted her daughter to turn around, at least not while she was topless like that. As kinky as she might have been described by some of her friends—most especially Aria and Tevos—she still had her boundaries. Seeing her own daughter half-naked smashed those boundaries into pieces, stomped on the remains like a krogan on a bloodrage riding a kakliosaur and ran fifty miles past them, screaming bloody murder the entire way.

Mentally shaking herself from her rambling thoughts, Shepard's eyes surreptitiously flicked to Benezia's hands, noticing the specks of purple blood spotting her eldest's hands, as well as the glint of something metallic before her daughter hid her hands behind her back. Shepard hid the grin that threatened to cross her face, deciding to string her daughters along.

"I managed to finish getting the groceries early," she said in a blank voice, trying to look as shell-shocked as possible. She knew this was incredibly mean—her kids were definitely going to devise some devious method of payback, and Liara would probably end up making her sleep on the couch for the next couple of nights—but she couldn't help but have some fun. She worked her mouth, opening and closing it like a land-stranded fish, pretending like she was completely speechless, though she already had an idea what her daughters were doing. _They really are my kids,_ she giddily thought, remembering the first—and only—piercing she had gotten, back when she was fifteen. Not that she had any doubts that they were her kids; Benezia had inherited her stormy-gray eyes, while Minerva had gotten her mouth and nose. It was just seeing them _try _to do something that she herself had done before that made the relation even clearer. That, and the fact that both of her daughters had been described by her crew that they were "like two tiny Shepards running around, wreaking havoc upon the world."

"So... where's your mother?" she asked blankly, letting her eyes focus on a point over Benezia's shoulder.

"Mom left to pick Aunt Thea, Aria and Lycoris up at the spaceport," Benezia answered in a small voice. Shepard hid another grin as she noted how Benezia deliberately avoided calling Aria "aunt." The one and only time Benezia had ever called Aria that, the feared Pirate Queen of Omega's reaction was so hilarious that Shepard had nearly died of laughter.

"Right, right," she mumbled in response, idly wondering if all the food she had bought would be enough to feed five asari and one human, all of them biotically active. She remembered the expressions of chagrin on her mess sergeants' faces on the Normandy whenever she returned from a mission that involved a combination of her, Liara, Kaidan, Thane, Jacob, Jack, Miranda or Wrex. Even Samara wasn't an exception, though she somehow managed to make it look like she didn't eat as much as Shepard or the other biotics in the crew. Between the lot of them, the Normandy managed to be the only ship in the Alliance that required massive storage for food, even managing to beat out a_ dreadnought_ when it came to food purchases. With a slight shake of her head, she covered her eyes with a hand, deciding to take her little prank to the next level. Time to bring out a bit of the infamous Wrath of Shepard.

"What in the gods' names are you two doing?" she asked in a quiet voice as she brought her hand down, staring straight at her eldest daughter, who immediately stiffened up.

*(B)*

"What in the gods' names are you two doing?" Benezia's father asked, her voice deathly calm.

Benezia tried to swallow the lump in her throat, attempting to tamp down the growing feeling of terror in her. She knew that tone in her father's voice: it was usually the calm before the storm. A storm so ferocious that her Uncle Garrus had once told her in his wry voice: "I would rather face ten fully-armed asari commandos while equipped with only an omni-blade than have to be the poor sap unlucky enough to face down your dad's wrath." All of her father's old crew attested to said wrath, stating that while Shepard could, and would, choose diplomacy and compassion when she could, anyone who directly—or even indirectly—threatened anyone Shepard considered to be part of her crew would be reduced to nothing more than a splatter on a wall. Uncle Garrus had joked that that was the reason why her dad and Aunt Jack got along so well; both were fiercely protective of their charges, her dad with her crew, Aunt Jack with her students at Grissom Academy, ready to blast away anyone who even thought of doing them any harm.

"We, um… you see, Dad, Minerva and I… we, uh," Benezia stammered, her nervousness growing by the second. She cleared her throat, trying to get her defense across. "The thing is... Minerva wanted to—"

"Yes?" her dad said in that same calm voice.

_Ohshitohshitohshitohshit_, the terrified little voice in Benezia's head started chanting in an unending mantra. She stole a glance at her sister, and it looked like Minerva had gone completely catatonic. Her eyes were wide and unstaring, as if her mind had just shut down to try and escape their dad's undoubtedly incoming wrath.

Benezia's mouth kept working itself, trying to form an explanation that wouldn't end up with them hanging upside-down from a Lift field. As much fun as that was when they were younger, she highly doubted that their dad had the same idea in mind as back then.

Just as she was about to, quite literally, throw herself at her dad's feet to beg for mercy, she saw the small, almost unnoticeable, twitch at the corner of her dad's mouth. She stared, slackjawed and disbelieving, at her father. "Dad!" she shrieked, half indignant and half furious.

In an instant, her father's expression changed; gone was the terrifying fury, replaced by a cheeky and completely guilt-free grin. "Tch," she said, clucking her tongue. "Almost got you there."

"You- I can't believe- you-," Benezia sputtered, unable to form a coherent sentence in her bewilderment. She'd been so sure that she and Minnie were in huge trouble, already trying to come up with ways she could possibly beg off of being punished too terribly.

"Yes?" her dad said, a much cheerier echo to the same question from earlier. She cocked her head to the side, her shit-eating grin still plastered on her face.

"That was not funny!" Benezia exploded, though her voice came out as barely more than an indignant squeak. She noticed Minnie just now coming out of her self-induced coma, and her face was now starting to turn a bright purple as the embarrassment started catching up to her. Her younger sister let out a muffled squeak as she shot out of the bed and into the adjoining bathroom, refusing to look at their dad all the while.

Meanwhile, her dad just followed Minnie's fast dash out of the room still with the amused grin on her face. "Yeah, it kinda was, Jellybean," she said, aiming her grin back at her eldest daughter.

Benezia huffed. "It was not!"

Her dad just shook her head. "Anyway, what were you thinking, just stabbing that right into her navel like that?" she asked, pointedly looking at her arms, down to where her hands were hidden behind her back.

Benezia sighed as she brought the piercing back out before getting nervous again as a thought occurred to her. "I swear, Dad, it was all Minnie's idea! She wanted-"

"I don't really care whose idea it was, Jellybean," her dad interrupted, holding a hand up. The grin vanished, replaced by a small frown, and Benezia swallowed, afraid that her dad was now really angry. "I'm just saying," she continued conversationally, "a little anesthetic wouldn't have hurt, especially if you're planning on doing her first piercing on the belly button," her dad finished, an eyebrow raised.

"Well… uh… I didn't really expect her to jump like that when the point went through," Benezia said sheepishly, looking down at her blood-speckled hands. "And… and we didn't really want you or Mom finding out."

"Well too bad that plan went right down the drain, didn't it?" her dad said dryly, before shaking her head. "Well, whatever. Just get yourself cleaned up before your mom and the others get home. Wouldn't want her freaking out over this."

Benezia grimaced. "You're not getting away with this so easily, Dad," she said with a glare at her father.

"Oh?" Shepard asked, raising an eyebrow at her. "And what are you going to do?" Before she could answer the question, her dad continued, a devious grin crossing her face. "Just don't forget that Aria and Lycoris are going to be here. I'm sure they'd enjoy a story like this."

Benezia paled at the idea; Aria herself didn't stoop to too much teasing most of the time, but Lycoris would prove to be unbearable. "You wouldn't."

"Oh I would," her dad said, the evil grin still on her face.

"You're a horrible father to your children, you know that?"

"You know, your mom told me the same exact thing when I used to use those Lift fields on you when you were younger.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: First off, a huge thanks and shout out to the ultra-talented Rae D. Magdon (/u/2407457) for graciously allowing me to use her character depictions of Tevos and Aria from her "The Best Entertainment" universe for their tiny mentions in the above. I might have them make an actual appearance later on, if I ever get around to finishing this little bunny floating around my head right now.**

**Before you check out her works, virtually all of Rae's Mass Effect stories (I haven't read any of her Law & Order or Rizzoli & Isles stories, as I'm not a fan of those, sadly) are heavily NSFW with a lot—and I mean **_**A LOT**_**—of femslash. If you're okay with those, then by all means check out her works if you're interested in awesome—as well as very hot—Aria/Tevos (as well as f!Shepard/Liara, with some Miranda/Jack sprinkled in) stories, some of them AU, others following the original trilogy.**

**Well, that was one hell of a shout out (even though she did ask me to make it brief), but a talented author such as Rae deserves more recognition, and if you've never checked out her stuff, then by all means, do so! And I'm back to rambling. I really should get that fixed.**

**Maybe someone can help me out with that. I sometimes get all rambly like that, especially when I'm dead tired and running only on caffeine and bunny dreams.**

**All right, shutting up now.**

**At least, I will when I actually leave the keyboard or someone comes over and makes me shut the fu-**


	5. Screams and Favorites

A/N: Sometimes I feel like I should just ditch the Humor tag with how some of the stuff I write for this particular story end up being all angsty and crap.

* * *

><p>All things considered, tonight's nightmare is a relatively calm one.<p>

If screaming and thrashing can be considered calm. At least there are no errant bursts of biotics turning our bedroom into a frenzy of flying, floating or smashing objects.

Oh yes, having to endure my bondmate's screaming and thrashing is _much _better than having to deal with those _and _her biotics. Goddess.

I've learned long ago that trying to wake Shepard up from her nightmares would inevitably end up with me having to fend off my bondmate's half-conscious throw fields with a barrier or with me flying across the room if I am too slow to put one up. The latter has only happened once, thank the Goddess, but that was enough to send Shepard into a blubbering mess of remorse, self-pity, and self-loathing. It had taken me days before I could convince Shepard to even sleep in the same room as me again, much less the same bed. After that, she made me promise that I would never again try to wake her up from her nightmares, lest she end up catching me unawares with a charge, or Goddess forbid, a nova.

All I can do now is hope and pray to the Goddess that she wakes up soon enough. It is heart-wrenching, to say the least, to listen to Shepard thrash and moan in her sleep, forced to relive whatever nightmare from her past. Sometimes it is a nightmare of Mindoir, other times events from the Reaper War. Most often, though, are nightmares of her falling towards a blue-white planet, blackness all around her, distant stars shining white… and her suffocating as her oxygen is depleted. These I have seen whenever we meld, right after she wakes up. It is one of the few ways I can calm her down, us sharing the pain, me soothing the jagged edges of her nightmares with as much love and care that I can muster, her clinging to me as tightly as she can.

I try not to wince at every muffled scream, though thankfully she wakes up sooner than usual. She shoots straight up as always, her eyes wide and almost feral, knuckles as white as the sheets they are gripping. She looks around wildly, landing on me at last, though it seems she can barely recognize me at first. I refrain myself from making a move, knowing that she is still partially in her nightmare, and any sudden moves by me could possibly be met with a panicked warp field, much as I might want to reach for her.

Her rapid breathing slows down after a moment, and she notices the way I am frozen in place, and the pained expression on her face is enough to break me. She feels guilty, as always. I do not know how to keep her from feeling such an emotion. She is the one in pain. I should be the one feeling guilty for not knowing how to keep her from having these nightmares in the first place. Her compassion is what I have come to love most of her, but sometimes it feels like a bit of a hindrance, especially in times like these.

The moment her hands loosen their hold on the sheets is the moment I know she is completely awake. "Li, I-," she says, her voice soft and harsh. She is trying to apologize, I know it, though I am having none of that. She has nothing to be sorry for, absolutely nothing.

"There is nothing to be sorry for, Morrigan," I say, reaching up to cup a hand on her cheek. She immediately leans into it, her hand reaching up to cover mine. I initiate a shallow meld, just enough that I can feel our minds brush against each other. It is not deep enough that I can feel our selves become one; just enough that we can feel shades of each other's emotions. And in this meld, I can feel flashes of warmth and love, but also shame, sadness, and… and fear that I—

"No," I say angrily, reaching up to frame her face with both hands. "There is nothing I regret, Morrigan. _Nothing._" She tries to look away, but I keep her face trapped, forcing her to maintain eye contact. "If you think for one more moment that I might be regretting what we have, what we _fought _for—" I cut myself off, angry and concerned that she might even have those kinds of thoughts.

I say nothing more, instead deciding to simply kiss her, trying to convey all the reassurance and love I can, both in the gesture and our shallow meld. I feel her leaning closer almost desperately, both in the kiss and our meld.

After a few seconds of kissing, I pull away, almost smiling at how she follows a little, trying to maintain the contact. She decides to lean her forehead on mine, and my smile comes out in full at the gesture. "Morrigan," I tell her softly. "There is nothing to be ashamed of." I catch her closing her eyes, and feel the disagreement roiling within her through the meld. "It's true," I insist. "You have given more than anyone, sacrificed so much for this galaxy, even after all you've been through." I lean forward, putting just a little more pressure on our foreheads; she does the same in return. "For that, you deserve everything in return."

"I don't_ want_ anything in return," she whispers, and she speaks the truth; everything she's ever done, she'd never thought of asking for anything in exchange. Shepard is of a rare breed: freely offering help to everyone, and not a thought is given to being compensated for her assistance. "I just wish I was better than this, a better bondmate, a better pa—"

"You _are _a good parent, and a wonderful bondmate," I interrupt her. "Benezia and Minerva both adore you, and though you may be… as childish as our own children at times—" she snorts softly at this, something I decide to ignore "—there is no other role model, no other father, I would have for my children." I lean in again, planting a soft kiss on her lips. "And there is no one else I would have as my bondmate."

I finally feel her mind relaxing, and though some of her fears remain, their jagged edges are smoothed over, both by her acceptance of my words and the emotions I am sharing with her. She opens her mouth to say something, but the sound of tiny feet pattering outside our partly-open door makes us both reluctantly separate from each other, severing the meld that we were just sharing.

"Should I—?" I trail off, knowing that she would understand the question.

She shakes her head in response. "No," she says, a soft smile on her face, "it's fine. I want to see them." I smile in return, and the two of us wait for the two little ones to fully open the door and scamper inside, both of them immediately running towards their father. My smile falters a little when I realize that they are both well aware of her nightmares; this is not the first time they were awoken by her screams. Still, it is heartwarming to know that their first instinct is to come running in order to comfort Shepard.

They both clamber up to sit themselves on Shepard's lap, before launching themselves at her, hugging her tightly, laying their heads on each of my bondmate's shoulders as Shepard wraps her strong arms around our daughters. The sight truly is heartwarming, and extremely adorable as well.

"Better, Daddy?" Minerva, the younger of our two daughters, asks after a few minutes of cuddling.

Shepard can only laugh softly in response. "With two of my most favorite girls in the galaxy giving me hugs like these, how could I not?"

And it is sights like this, moments like this that make me think that no matter how hard it may sometimes be for Shepard, or even for me, the two wonderful little ones that we've brought into our lives make all of it—all of our hardships, our pain, our sacrifices—worth it.


	6. Souls and Flames

**2288 CE: Two Years after the Reaper War**

Shepard paced back and forth, her expression half-wild, feverish and just a little bit desperate. She'd been in the hospital for the past twelve hours, most of which she'd been spending freaking out, pacing, worrying over Liara until she'd get chased out, freaking out, wondering if everything was okay, forcing herself to eat some food, and freaking out. She started thinking that maybe freaking out was something she was starting to get good at as she paced the same length of floor for the umpteenth time.

"For fuck's sake, kid, quit your pacing already; you're starting to get on my nerves." A gravelly voice broke Shepard out of her frantic pacing, causing her head to shoot up as she stared at the asari Matriarch glaring at her. "Digging a groove into the floor's not gonna help, you know."

"Yeah, well, when you can figure out a way for me to stop freaking out over this, be sure to let me know, Aethyta," Shepard said, her voice failing to hide her panic at the current situation. She glanced up, looking at the double doors that led out of the waiting room that she and Aethyta had been told to go to. She bit her lip, ran a hand through her short black hair, messing it up even more than it already was… and started pacing again.

Aethyta chuckled, a gruff sound that almost sounded like a growl. "Kid, when you've seen and done the shit _I've_ seen and done, you start getting used to this kind of thing."

"You know, I've faced down hordes of rabid vorcha, a shit ton of krogan clones, a Reaperized Saren, Brutes, Banshees, thresher maws, Reaper destroyers, an actual Reaper dreadnought, and a fucking Reaper _fetus_," Shepard babbled, "but I think I'd rather face one or two of them again than have to—" A muffled scream followed by cursing emanated from the room beyond the double doors, causing Shepard to jump in surprise. "Scratch that, I think I'd rather face _all _of them at the same time than have to wait this out."

"Look, kid, I've given birth to six brats, watched my bondmates give birth to another five, and had four of my daughters give birth to _their _daughters," Aethyta said exasperatedly. "She's going to be fine."

"And how many of those bondmates and daughters of yours were century-old Maidens?" Shepard countered, wringing her hands in a manner that distantly reminded her of Tali's nervous tic. Without waiting for an answer, she continued her half-crazed raving. "I've done my research, Aethyta. Maidens aren't supposed to give birth this young. It's like… like if a ten year-old human girl was giving birth." Her voice was starting to slowly go up in pitch, doing a good job of revealing her rising panic. "It's not impossible, but gods, the stories I've read. What if she dies, Aethyta? I don't know if I can—"

A slap snapped her away from her increasingly morbid thoughts, bringing her attention back to Aethyta, who was once more glaring at her. "Quit it," the Matriarch bit out. "You're worried, I get it. You think you're the only one? It's my youngest fucking daughter in there, in case you've forgotten. And if you were so worried about this happening, why the fuck did you even agree to do a mating meld with her?"

"She wanted it," Shepard whispered, glancing down at her left hand, where she had lost her pinky, ring finger and middle finger after the war, though they'd replaced the missing digits with prosthetics. "Said that since I'd agreed to bond with her despite her only being a hundred and ten, the least she could do was provide me with a child who I'd at least see grow up to past a century before I died." Her eyes took on a gentle, though still frantic, look in them. "I could never say no to her. Not after what I'd done to her."

"Why? What did you do to her?" Aethyta asked, suspiciously narrowing her eyes at Shepard. She'd grudgingly given Shepard her approval after the human had just about bitten her head off at the mention of the Matriarchy's suspicions towards Liara. She'd seemed fiercely protective of her Little Wing, that much was certain. To hear that Shepard just might have done something to Liara, to her youngest daughter, was enough to bring her hackles up, bonded pair that the two of them be damned.

"I let her down," Shepard said in such a quiet voice it almost sounded like she was speaking to herself. "I promised her I wouldn't leave her after I saved her on Mars. I thought I was doing well with that promise… then Hammer happened."

Aethyta didn't have to ask what Shepard meant by that; she'd managed to find her way to Earth for the final push after she'd evacuated the Citadel just before the Reapers took it over. She'd figured she needed to dust off her shotgun and actually contribute to the war effort. When she heard that the Normandy team was spearheading Hammer, it had taken almost all her self-control not to storm the FOB and drag Liara away from the frontlines, kicking and screaming if need be. Turned out, she needn't have bothered.

"Right before the final push… I had one final talk with her before we headed out," Shepard said almost monotonously. "She insisted that I take her with me for the push, that I couldn't just leave her as backup in the FOB after everything that's happened. I told her that I would, and gave her a cup of that Thessian tea she loves so much. Didn't tell her that I laced it with a sedative. Not a lot. Didn't want her to be left defenseless. Just enough that she'd knock out for a few minutes. Enough that by the time she woke up, I was gone." She laughed, a harsh, brittle sound that almost made Aethyta wince. "I was fine with that, you know? That the last memory I'd have of her was that hurt, betrayed look in her eyes as she succumbed to the sedative. Better that she resent me for the rest of her life than not have one at all." Another harsh laugh. "And what happened? Vega lost a leg, Ash lost an eye and an arm. Thought they'd died even as I called for an evac. They could barely stand, barely move as Garrus and Tali loaded them up on the evac shuttle. Still insisted on coming with me. Garrus and Tali insisted they take the other two's place and run the push with me. Couldn't do it. When I saw that tank nearly crush James and Ashley, all I could think of was that could have very well been them. Worse, could have been Liara."

Shepard glanced down once more at her half-cybernetic hand. "I made so many promises to her, you know. Broke most of them. After Saren, I promised her a long vacation just for the two of us after I'd finished scouting out the disappearances that everyone thought were by the geth. And what happened? I got myself killed and left her for two years. I came back, sure, but I spent the next couple months so focused on stopping the fucking Collectors I could only see her a couple of times. Then after I helped her take care of her business with the Shadow Broker, I promised her I'd return to her once I'd finished my mission through the Omega-4 Relay. And big fucking surprise, I get roped in to handle an Alliance problem in the Bahak system less than a month after." Once again, she let out a humorless laugh. "You know the most fucked up part? I wasn't even back with the Alliance then. I was barely a SpecTRe, and the Alliance was this close to having me dragged in for interrogation and probably a court martial." She snorted. "And the only time they ever bother contacting me is the moment they need something from me, from _the great Commander Shepard_," she said with biting sarcasm.

She turned to look at Aethyta, who had an unreadable expression on her face. "After that fucking fiasco with the Alpha Relay, I get locked up by the Alliance for six months, six months where they mostly spent their time with their thumbs up their asses instead of preparing for the Reapers. And after those six months, the Reapers invaded." She shook her head, gritting her teeth angrily. "Liara and I should have been together for just a little over five years now. But because of the fucking Collectors, the Alliance acting like complete idiots, because of the Reapers, we've barely had half of that time together. Most of the time was spent with me either dead, incarcerated, or rushing trying to save an ungrateful galaxy from the Reapers." Shepard balled her fists, glaring at Aethyta defiantly, her previous sadness forgotten in favor of righteous anger. "So yes, I agreed to do a mating meld with Liara, even knowing the risks. I owe her far too much to say no, and I'll be damned if I ever let her down again after everything I've done."

Aethyta stared at her for a couple more seconds, expression still inscrutable… right before she started laughing, just as brash and loud as the rest of her. Shepard blinked, unsure as to what was currently happening. After that passionate speech, having the Matriarch start laughing at her was starting to make her feel sheepish.

"You two kids are a piece of work, you know that?" Aethyta managed to say after a few more seconds of uncontrollable laughing. She took a deep breath, her expression growing serious. "You remember when you two were officially bonded a year and a half ago? Less than half a cycle after the Reapers were dead, and the two of you were already getting hitched."

Shepard forced herself from rolling her eyes. Why wouldn't she remember the single most important day of her entire life? "What are you trying to say, Aethyta?" she bit out.

"Right before the ceremony, she talked to me. She was almost having a nervous breakdown, you know," Aethyta said matter-of-factly. Shepard blinked; she didn't, in fact, know. "She kept saying how she didn't deserve you, that you deserved better than some half-neurotic Maiden." She grinned. "I told her that anyone who got her should consider themselves completely lucky." Aethyta snorted, shaking her head as she thought about her conversation with her daughter. "You know all those things you just bitched about? About how you feel like you let her down during all those times? She blames herself for just about the same things."

She crossed her arms as she glared at Shepard. "She blamed herself for giving you to Cerberus, for giving you a reason to owe them despite how much you hated them. She blamed herself for how she couldn't come with you during your hunt for the Collectors. She felt like she'd gotten too obsessed with the Shadow Broker that she told me that if you were furious with her, she'd understand and even be willing to beg for _your _forgiveness." Her glare intensified as she directed it at Shepard. "I hope you understand just how damned lucky you are that you have my daughter as your bondmate."

Shepard snorted, but something inside of her broke when Aethyta told her of Liara's insecurities. She'd known of some of her bondmate's fears, and as hard as she'd tried to convince Liara that it was her, and not the asari, who was the lucky one, Liara's self-doubts had continued. "Right pair of idiots we are, huh?" Shepard said quietly as she looked at the closed double doors once more.

"Oh, I dunno, it gets entertaining at times to watch the two of you flounder around each other like that," Aethyta said with another one of her cocky grins. "The two of you are idiots, but let me tell you this, and this will be the only time I'll ever say it and I'll deny ever saying it, but you and my Little Wing were made for each other. Pretty sure you never noticed, but your face just has this way of lighting up whenever she walks into the same room; same way with her. It's almost sickeningly sweet, to be honest. It's like the two of you just naturally gravitate towards each other."

"What, like soul mates?" Shepard said, raising an eyebrow at the Matriarch. She'd never really believed in those kinds of things, but there was definitely… something in the way she'd always felt about Liara that just felt… natural. Like it was what it was meant to be.

"More like twin flames, if you've ever heard of that concept you humans have," Aethyta said.

Shepard's brow rose even further. "Didn't take you for one to study human spiritual beliefs, Aethyta," she said dryly.

The Matriarch shrugged in response. "Like I said, I never talked about this shit with you. Besides, you'd be surprised at how eagerly the asari have taken to this concept of twin flames considering how long our lives are. The idea that most of the bondmates we take, regardless of race, age or gender, are all same soul born in a different life is appealing to a lot of us." She shrugged again. "Never really did buy into that bullshit. But damn if that's not what it feels like when you and Liara are in the same room."

Shepard snorted again, but the panic in her face was replaced by more worry. "It's just… I don't know what I'll do if she doesn't make it. If our baby doesn't make it." She started chewing on her lower lip, her face looking more terrified than it had ever been during the entirety of the Reaper War.

"Hey, don't forget who you bound wrists with, kid," Aethyta interrupted before Shepard's thoughts could once more delve into dark waters. "She's strong: stronger than any asari her age. Hell, she's stronger than most Matriarchs _my_ age. She'll make it," she said with hardened confidence, glaring at the doors, as if daring them to suddenly speak out against her words.

Shepard took a deep breath, steadying herself before she started panicking even more.

… And that was when the double doors suddenly opened, a harried-looking asari nurse bursting in.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Yep, I'm a dick. We all know by this point that the entire family makes it through, plus one more child in the future, anyway. I just wanted to show how someone like Shepard, who's used to being able to either talk, shoot or talk and shoot her way out of virtually everything would possibly react to something she has literally no control over. As for the concepts of twin flames, it's not really something I personally put any belief in, but the concept itself seemed to me would be something the asari would like. Don't worry, I'll still be writing something in the vein of Liara's POV for this particular scene, just dunno when. School and work can do that.


	7. Reasons and Couches

**A/N:** What's that? An update? I know, shocking. I've been trying to write all these months I've been missing, but between writer's block, school, work, and just all around not being able to stick to one idea for long (I have like six unfinished chapters that I'm hoping to one day get to finishing, including a Christmas one that I've - surprise! - failed to finish in time for the holidays), I just haven't been able to get into my groove properly. But here's a chapter, and fingers crossed that I actually get to write something else after this!

* * *

><p><strong>2212 CE: Twenty-Six Years after the Reaper War<strong>

"Daddy?"

A young girl's voice broke Shepard from her musing, and she looked away from the window she was staring out of, and down to where her eldest daughter, Benezia, was looking up at her with those wide eyes that usually indicated that she was about to start bombarding her father with questions about this topic or that.

"Yes, Jellybean?" Shepard asked, a smile crossing her face as she picked up her daughter, letting the young asari settle into the crook of her arm.

"Why do you love Mommy?" Benezia asked, making Shepard blink. She was expecting another question about how this worked, or how that happened. Not… a question about love.

"Why do you ask, Jellybean?" Shepard asked in return, carrying her daughter to the living room and settling on a sofa, Benezia on her knee.

"It's just… um," Benezia stammered, now floundering when asked for a reason.

"Yes?" Shepard said, a small grin on her face as she leaned back on her chair.

Benezia huffed grumpily, pouting up at her dad. "I just wanna know why!" she exclaimed, her small features marred by an annoyed frown.

Shepard's grin just grew wider; her little girl definitely looked like her when she got annoyed. "Okay, okay," she said, acquiescing to her daughter's request. The frown on Benezia's face immediately disappeared, replaced by a delighted expression.

"Well, for one, you mother's the most beautiful woman I've ever laid my eyes on," Shepard said, a fond look in her eyes as she started listing down reasons. "She's also the smartest woman I've ever met."

"Even smarter than Aunt Miri?" Benezia asked, eyes growing wide. "But Aunt Miri said that she's the smartest ever!"

"The smartest human, maybe," Shepard conceded, "but your mom's the smartest person in the universe!" She threw her arms wide, as if to emphasize her point. "While your dad's the strongest person in the galaxy!" she couldn't help but add, only to see her own daughter frown a little at that.

"But Uncle Gar"—her nickname for Garrus—"told me that he managed to beat you in bottles!" Benezia said, looking up at her dad with a confused frown.

"Hey, I'm a Vanguard, I don't—"

"And Uncle Wrex always says that he could headbutt better than you all the time!"

"That's diff—"

"And Aunt Tali told me before that—"

"Do you still want me to tell you why I love your mom, or do you want me to use a Lift on you?" Shepard asked, eyebrow raised and an irked expression on her face as she already started thinking of ways to get back at her friends for this unacceptable betrayal.

Benezia giggled; her daddy used to play with her when she was smaller by using a small biotic Lift on her, then spinning her around the room. Both she and her sister greatly enjoyed it, much to her mom's consternation and annoyance, mostly thanks to the uncountable furniture and lamps the three hellions had had managed to break. Her first question, however, was more important. For now. "Tell me why, tell me why!" she said excitedly, bouncing up and down on her dad's knee.

"Okay then," Shepard said, mock-glaring at her daughter before going on with her list. "As I said, your mom's definitely the most beautiful person ever; she's also the smartest, the bravest, and kindest person I've ever met."

Being the timid and self-conscious archaeologist that she was when they'd first met, Liara had refused to believe that Shepard actually meant all those words; she'd felt Shepard was only saying those to make her feel better about herself. Shepard had put a stop to that when she'd pulled Liara aside, telling her of a human saying: beauty is in the eye of the beholder. "Doesn't matter if there's someone prettier, smarter, or even better in biotics than you are," she'd told Liara. "To me, you're still all of those things, and more." She was still a little self-conscious of being described as such, but she no longer tried to fervently deny them, which was a huge plus in Shepard's book.

"Yes, your mom's all of those," Shepard said to Benezia, the fond look in her eyes returning. The smile on her face growing softer, she looked down at Benezia. "But those aren't the reasons why I love her."

Benezia's eyes widened in surprise. "But those are good reasons! I love Mommy and Minnie and Aunt Gar and Aunt Tali and everyone because they're also the bravest and kindest, too!" she exclaimed.

Shepard chuckled. "I don't know about your Uncle Garrus being the most beautiful person in the galaxy, but I agree. Those are all good reason to love someone. They just aren't the reasons why I love your mom," she said, looking up at the photo of her bonding ceremony with Liara almost thirty years ago.

"Then what are they?" Benezia prodded, starting to wonder if her dad was ever going to answer her question.

Shepard leaned back, trying to think of a way to answer honestly and in a way her young daughter could understand. For all of her twenty-four years of age, she was only a child, maybe ten or eleven in human years. She was precocious and very curious, of course—she'd gotten that from her mother—but a child, nonetheless. "Let's see," she said, staring off into the distance. Her musing had gone on for a minute, which was a minute too long in Benezia's book. She started getting impatient, pouting up at her father once more.

"Daddy!"

"Huh?" Shepard said distractedly, taken out of her reverie. "Right, right," she murmured, before an idea popped into her head. She raised her left arm, activating her omni-tool and starting up a search query.

"Daddy!" Benezia whined. "Stop playing those games! They're bad for you!" She sounded so much like her mother that Shepard had to grin.

"Don't worry, Jellybean, I'm not playing," Shepard reassured her daughter, who looked anything but that. "I'm looking for something that will help me explain why I love your mom so much." This seemed to mollify Benezia, if only a little. A few more moments of her searching the extranet, and Benezia's bouncing started to get more and more impatient with every passing second. "Aha!" she exclaimed a few seconds later, angling her omni-tool so that Benezia could see what she'd looked up. It was a short quote from an old twenty-first century novel.

"Not sure if you'll be able to follow it too closely, but I like to think this explains the answer to your question," she told Benezia, who looked up at her before looking back down at the passage.

"What is it?" the asari child asked.

"It's a quote from one of my favorite books growing up. It's really old, back before humans had fully developed spaceflight, before we discovered the relays and eezo," Shepard explained. Benezia glanced at her father before looking back at the quote, reading it quietly while Shepard did so out loud.

"'We love what we love,'" Shepard recited. "'Reason does not enter into it. In many ways, unwise love is the truest love. Anyone can love a thing because. That's as easy as putting a penny in your pocket. But to love something despite. To know the flaws and love them too. That is rare and pure and perfect.'"

"'Unwise'?" Benezia asked after a few seconds of processing the quote. She looked up at her dad, a bewildered expression on her face. "But you'd told me that marrying Mom was the best idea you've ever had!" Her brows scrunched up as she thought of something else. "And what's a penny?"

Shepard grinned. "A penny's one of Earth's old currencies, back before we started using credits. And of course it was the best idea I've ever had, and I still maintain that it was the best idea I've ever had in my entire life. Well, that, and the time we decided we wanted to have you and Blueberry." The grin faded somewhat as she brought back to the early years, to the start of her mission to save the galaxy from the Reapers. "It just wasn't the wisest one. Your mom and I…" she trailed off, unsure of how to continue. She cleared her throat before diving in.

"We weren't too sure if we were going to live. It was just us against an army, and all we wanted was to protect the people we love. We had people and friends who didn't make it, like your Uncle Kaidan and your Grandma Benezia, but your mom and I still decided to go through with our relationship. People thought it was only going to distract me, to distract us, but in the end, it was that love for your mother that made me pull through in the end." She avoided telling her daughter just how close to death she'd been after she'd activated the Crucible: a two-month coma that was mostly touch-and-go, followed by months of therapy to get her own body anywhere near to its prime. Honestly she hadn't truly fully recovered, still needing a cane on the bad days. But it was indeed her desire to be with Liara, to start a family and to be there for their daughters, that made her come back, that made her wake up and push her body to its absolute limits to recover.

Benezia fell quiet, thinking about the grandmother she'd been named after and one of the few Normandy uncles she'd never gotten to meet. "But what does it mean 'to love something despite'?" she asked after a moment of contemplating her dad's words. "Don't you need a reason to love someone?"

"Having a reason is well and good, like how you love Lycoris because she's always hanging out with you." Benezia nodded firmly at that, briefly thinking about Aria and Councilor Tevos' daughter; the two were only a few months apart, and were completely inseparable, despite their conflicting personalities. "It's always okay to love someone because of something, maybe it's because they're pretty, or because they're kind, or because they're smart." The sad smile on Shepard's face turned warm as she turned her thoughts to her bondmate. "But sometimes, those kinds of relationships don't work out, because sometimes they forget that the person they're in love with also has a side to them that's not the perfect ideal."

"Does that mean Mom also has that kind of side?" Benezia asked, her eyes growing wide as she thought about her mom not being the perfect person she'd always thought her to be.

"Well, let's see," Shepard said, her smile turning mischievous, "your mom gets terribly grumpy when she's hungry, she doesn't like getting teased, and she can hold a grudge like no one can." Benezia's lips pursed as she mentally agreed with her dad; Shepard, on the other hand, refrained from mentioning some of Liara's darker exploits as the Shadow Broker, or how she'd refuse to sleep with her for days if Shepard managed to win in one of their arguments (regardless of how rarely that happened). "But," she added, and Benezia looked up at her, "those little flaws make up the person that I've grown to love, and I'd never change anything about your mother even if I was offered all the credits in the universe. And I still think she's the best person to have ever come into my life." She wrapped an arm around Benezia, pulling her close into a cuddle. "Aside from you and Blueberry, of course," she added, a fond twinkle in her eyes.

"Of course," Benezia said, aiming a toothy grin at her father.

Shepard was about to add something else when the two of them heard someone loudly clearing their throat behind them. Shepard froze, recognizing the owner of said throat quite clearly. "Welcome home, Li," she said with a cheeriness she didn't feel at the moment, turning around to look at her bondmate with a sheepish grin.

Liara simply stood there with her arms crossed, a raised brow marking aimed at Shepard. Benezia took one glance at her mother, another at her father, and decided that it would be in her best interest to leave as soon as possible. She gave Shepard a quick peck on the cheek, hopping out of her lap before her dad could protest. "I think I hear Minnie calling!" she said, quickly dashing out of the room and up the stairs after giving Liara a quick hug.

Shepard gulped, her one and only shield to protect her from her bondmate's ire gone. "So uh… done with your Broker-y stuff and business, love?" Shepard asked with what she hoped was a winning smile. When Liara didn't answer after a few seconds of awkward silence, Shepard cleared her throat, trying for a different approach. "I'll tuck Jellybean and Blueberry in, and I'll come join you in bed." She got up from the couch, intending to hide with her daughters for a few precious minutes before joining Liara for bed.

"Are you sure that that is fine with you, Morrigan?" Liara asked, an uncharacteristically testy tone in her voice.

Shepard flinched as if her bondmate had just physically slapped her. "Y-you know, I was just kidding with Jellybean there, and I-"

"Oh really? And just where in that little speech of yours were you kidding?" Liara cut her off, her eyes narrowing. "Were you kidding when you said that I become grumpy when I am hungry? Or maybe you were kidding when you said that I hate being teased?"

"I didn't say _hate_," Shepard mumbled petulantly, unable to look Liara in the eyes.

"Or maybe you were joking about me holding a grudge like no other, Morrigan," Liara continued as if Shepard hadn't said anything. "After all, Goddess forbid that I be the only one who acts like an adult in this household, what with you apparently having made it your lifelong mission to wage some kind of war against our furniture by turning your own biotics on our children to destroy our lamps, vases, and Goddess knows what else."

"Oh come on, Li," Shepard half-pleaded. "You didn't hear the part right before that. And don't ignore the last part; that's just childish." A compelling case in her defense, though her argument was grossly undermined by the petulant pout on her face as she stared up at Liara.

"No, Morrigan. Childish is when you turn our daughters into a set of living… what was it you called it? Ah, yes, a set of living _bolas_," Liara said flatly. "Good night, Morrigan. I believe I will be going to sleep now." With that, she turned around, her stiff back the very image of affronted dignity.

Shepard's eyes widened; she was called many things, but an absolute idiot was not one of them (except maybe by Jack). Letting her bondmate go to sleep angry with her was a monumentally terrible idea. She shot up from the sofa, going after her bondmate. "Liara, wait!"

Before she could grab hold of Liara's arm, the asari turned around, forcing Shepard to suddenly stop before she ran headlong into her bondmate. Shepard was biting her bottom lip, unwilling to look Liara in the eyes as she gently took the asari's hands in hers, relief washing over when she didn't pull away.

"I'm sorry," Liara mumbled with a soft sigh. Shepard's head shot up, mouth already opening to protest, but Liara beat her to the punch. "I've just had a long day, and I have had to deal with some problems that ended up collectively piling up into an even bigger problem. I know that you were just joking, it's just that when you-"

"Hey," Shepard interrupted, shushing the rambling asari with a finger on her mouth. "I understand. And for what it's worth, I was just trying to explain to Jellybean that I love you, imperfections and all." She pressed her forehead against Liara's, a smile growing on her face when Liara leaned towards her to increase the pressure.

"I know," Liara answered, a small smile gracing her lips as well. "And I love you too, for all _your _imperfections, many as they may be." She ignored her bondmate's muted grumble at that, content to just let Shepard's closeness wash away the accumulated stress of having to handle the Brokerage. "You're still sleeping on the couch tonight."

"Oh, come on!"


End file.
